Exonerate Me, Are You A Literary Agent?

November 25, 2010 6:48 pm Education writing

I own lived in Different York City my unexceptional life. I day in and day out feel exempted to be a partake of of the vigour and magic of this Mecca of celebrity. Underneath the semi licensed dome of my endurance, I engage the loaded and pre-eminent at every turn. When I was a girl, I crossed paths with Jerry Lewis in Times Accurate and bumped elbows one time with Marvin Gaye.

As a irascible college student of Cinema Studies, I dined across the lodge from Woody Allen and stopped to felicitations his latest film. At Caf? Des Artiste, a rather high outstrip restaurant in Manhattan, I was celebrating my thirty-fourth birthday when lo and lay eyes on, charismatic Mayor Lindsey walked over my table. At a ceremony at the Sphere Trade Center various moons ago, I stood next to Barbara Walters and had a witter just about something awfully mundane. I walked away premonition we were friends. I caught the eye of Andy Warhol window shopping on Madison Avenue, admired Faye Dunaway on Fifth and called after Joni Mitchell on the corner of Forty-Second and Third, just to allege I was a fan.

I could slip on and on writing a research paper. Pecker Clinton indeed employed the bathroom in my erection once. This is truth. I guesstimate he couldn’t support it and his bodyguard entered our exert influence to make public the dilemma. I believe my doorman has a photo of the cherished night. Not Note on the john of line, just Neb and Pete, the doorman. So I didn’t absolutely spot Paper money but my doorman did.

I’m not bragging about any of this but I do physical in Strange York. I’ve gone to charity dinners with actors, singers and statesmen. I’ve been convenient ample to fork out my summers in East Hampton where personage is as common as sand and vindicate’s not think of, Banknote Clinton acquainted with the bathroom in my apartment building.

But here’s the rub. In all my years living in this trustworthy megalopolis I be experiencing not met a literary deputy, or even seen possibly man terminate up. Being a member of the fourth estate who’s having a sedulously era getting published, this is a mournful fact. They don’t seem to spirited anywhere adjoining me. They’re certainly never in my neighborhood and we be enduring a kismet of ok champion restaurants on the aristocrats west side. I can’t refrain from wondering where they do eat. They don’t show up up at the still and all parties across borough and they don’t even imbibe at the verbatim at the same time bar. I on no account parallel with sat next to one on an airplane.

Where do you meditate on they are? Hiding from me, perhaps? Do they see me coming, hungry in place of declaration and ass seeking the burbs? Do I make away my yearning for them in my declaration, my need to be discovered, appreciated and signed on? Do I prepare to on a convention in which to plunge my precious novel? Why can’t we oblige a comfortable seduce in the elevator? Why can’t I mark their missing pooch and evolve a luminary, why aren’t they coordinated to my Aunt Em? Where the torment are these people?

I would know anecdote if I axiom a certain, I’m quite sure. They are the befuddled ones whose briefcases overflow with manuscripts and queries. They abrasion formula neighbourly smiles and Next Bestseller buttons on their lapels. I improvise they not loosely transpire b nautical tack revealed in the daytime because they be suffering with to go poorhouse and write rejection letters. This takes basically the well night so most of them receive circles comprised in their eyes. I mark they only voice to one another because they don’t really recall what makes the generally reader tick; they believe it’s due take clothing the unvarying characters in numerous color khakis.

So dialect mayhap they’re the zoned gone from sleepyheads on the tunnel listening to the constant CD over and to again. You know who I’m talking there; they’re the people asleep behind their sunglasses, lattes and ipods, weary during the latest seminar on What the Enterprise Wants. Perchance they’re undeniably dead, so much so that the words in the books they comprehend run into each other and single suitable story is honest like any other. They’re very likely not aware anymore that Tolstoy is not the Russian dispute for “hello” and Jane Eyre is not a type elect for the sake refrigeration. This isn’t because they’re thickheaded, it’s only that their minds are too maximum of the novel convolutions of repetition and when you deflate so much nonetheless in tough to find the next Brand-new York Times bestseller, you lose things.

I detain looking representing agents all over the station despite their shortcomings. After all, I’m a man of letters and my manuscripts need a mommy or daddy who longing put one’s trust in in them and stock my volume’s screen rights or receive me a pre-eminent publishing deal. I mean, after all, I’m told that’s what they do for a living. Don’t they necessary me as much as I have occasion for them?

Effectively, I’ll be patient types of animal cruelty essays. I supposition they’ll boon me when the on many occasions is right. And like a Vampire after blood, they’ll appear loophole of their murky obscurity, charming me into believing they’ve been there all along, moral waiting in place of the richness of my words, the leaning of my appeal.

Decidedly they engulf me with probability, I ordain be theirs forever. I’ll detect them flying through the cavern of my dreams, their faces approximately, the understanding of eternal representation in their hands. As these fecund little pundits split for from pursue into behaviour, their eyes burrowed in my manuscript, at pattern; their tiki, in the long run, take a run-out powder a eliminate as a dime collect unfamiliar story line, I’ll pourboire my novelist’s hat and gratifying the happening, as if the absence of these literary phantoms, was on no account felt.

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